Tiger Zinda Hai – Goof List

 

So, SOMEONE recommended me “Tiger Zinda ha” & I watched it with help of a Large mocha from Costa (Caffeine is a must). Well, It was a bang on my expectations. Salman Khan with Plastic Face (thanks to Botox), no expressions but a plethora of magical, super hero kind of powers. (Before anyone goes bananas, I do like Salman Khan but not his acting now). Actually, not lying , I enjoyed because after that movie I realised that all those PD, FBI, CIA, DIA, US Marshal, SEAL, HOMELAND, S.W.A.T and off course SUITS base dramas and movies were Good. How could Bollywood think that people will enjoy “tu tu tuu, tu tara” kind of material in a thriller/crime/action movie? Well, I don’t get it.

After the movie, I was so eager to write to the director of the movie, “Man you’ve spoiled a damn good project”. Anyway, I took the liberty of my blog and decided to write here. And it has been a time since I wrote about some movie.  In fact, this time I want to be very specific so I loaded 'bullets' in my weapon (well it’s a war zone flick).

•  “Magar kaali daal Tiger se achi koi nhe bnata”. The prequel “Ek Tha Tiger” didn’t tell us about the earlier career of Tiger(or the script writer) as a cook. Lolx. By the way, delicious Black Lintel is the easiest recipe on the planet. ( i will discuss that some other time )

•  RAW’s servers are hacked with a single unattended PC on a remote frozen area where even phone reception is non-existent. Are you kidding me guys? Is it possible to analyse and filter the data of a whole secret service operating worldwide with the help of minimal hardware? Wowww!! R.I.P Logic.

•  Shenoy Sir breaths with the help of an oxygen pipe. But where the hell is it coming from? Invisible Life support? RAW’s Q-branch is way ahead of MI6.

•  Karan (Shenoy's right hand) is only 5’-6” tall. A revolution in this trade. Now midgets may also consider secret service as a career. Lolx

•  Katrina proves herself a really bad-ass in all the action sequences. KUDOS to her. Meanwhile, all the male cast is demonstrating old school “ dishum dishum”. What the …. Heck. Either ISI has an edge over RAW regarding agent training programs or Katrina simply hired her own fight choreographer. I am sure she did.

•  During the final fight sequence, the main protagonist of the film aka Tiger completely forgets that he has a wife, too, among the hostages in that very building. Bravo. It’s like cooking a meal without even igniting the stove. Well done Mr script writer and Mr Editor.

• A whole fully functional oil refinery doesn’t have a burn unit or first aid camp or even a full-time doctor. Adding to the situation, burnt workers are sent to the very hospital of the city which is functioning as a full fledge camp office for the Warlord. What a plot. I’ve a bullet for the writer with his name on it. Didn't you find any other, less hilarious, way to enter the hospital? At least this one didn’t work for me.

•  An agent tells RAW Chief what an IP Address is. LOL. Seriously?

•  In last scenes, 39 nurses, 5 American hostages, 6 agents, total 50 persons in a single bus having the total capacity of 25 passengers. Miracle. Probably that’s why the Indian’s are over 1 billion in population because they know how to survive with half of the resources. Mystery solved.

•  Agents are transferred to the hospital as patients, yet allowed to wander all over the place like tourists.

•  India’s top bomb diffuser shits his pants while he has 4 freaking minutes to execute. Unbelievable. Guys, do you remember HEART LOCKER? Indian Army should take a stance against Bollywood or the silence will be rendered as their confession.

•  Modi Sarkar should extend RAW’s staggering budget even more. What a pity, in every critical situation throughout the movie RAW agents borrow guns from ISI operatives. Lolx. Perhaps Pakistan still has the left overs of Afghan War in abundance. I strongly urge ISI to present a handful of guns to RAW as a friendly gesture. Brothers in arms. LOL

•  RAW breaks all the boundaries by sending a 55+ partially patient guy on a critical mission just to hack a couple of CCTV. OMG. Laughing my ass out. Caution Mr Bond, your Q has a serious competition from now on.

Tiger is alive, perhaps director’s brain cells are not. Yet managed to join 100 crore club. Hats off to Indian audiences.